The Political Consequences of Loneliness

This page delves into how loneliness can manifest in harmful political behaviors. Senator Sasse argues that lonely people often turn to angry politics to fill the void of belonging in their lives.

The text describes how isolated individuals find a sense of community in polarized political tribes forming on both the left and right in America. This phenomenon is particularly prevalent in siloed media environments such as cable television, ideological punditry, campus politics, and social media.

Vocabulary: "Siloed" in this context refers to isolated or segregated environments where people are exposed only to like-minded views and opinions.

A key insight is that people often define their sense of "us" through contempt for "them" on the other side of the political spectrum. This divisive approach to community-building is exploited by what the author terms the "outrage industrial complex".

Definition: The "outrage industrial complex" refers to industries that accumulate wealth and power by providing a simulacrum of community that people crave but struggle to find in real life.

This false sense of community, built on outrage and division, is profitable for those who peddle it but ultimately fails to satisfy the genuine human need for connection and belonging.

The Changing Nature of Work and Community

This section explores the reasons behind the increasing loneliness in American society, focusing on the changing nature of work and its impact on community formation.

Work is identified as a key source of friendship and community. Many close relationships, including spousal ones, often originate in the workplace. However, the modern workplace is rapidly changing, affecting its role as a community builder.

Example: The growth of the "gig" economy, frequent job changes, and increased mobility between cities all contribute to a less stable work environment.

These changes make it harder for people to form lasting relationships and develop a sense of community through their work.

The text then introduces a concept that Senator Sasse is particularly concerned about: a pervasive feeling of homelessness. This doesn't refer to literal homelessness, but rather to the lack of a place that people think of as home - a "thick" community.

Definition: A "thick" community is one where people know and look out for one another, investing in relationships that are not transient.

The author borrows a phrase from Sports Illustrated to describe this sense of community: the "hometown gym on a Friday night feeling". This evocative phrase captures the essence of belonging and shared experience that many Americans increasingly lack.

The Hometown Gym Feeling: A Personal Perspective

This page delves deeper into the concept of the "hometown gym on a Friday night feeling", using Senator Sasse's personal experiences as an illustration.

Sasse, who grew up in Fremont, Nebraska (a town of 26,000 residents), describes the high school sports events on Friday nights as a powerful community-building experience. These events brought townspeople together, fostering a common love for their neighbors and community that made most differences - especially political ones - seem trivial.

Example: The shared experience of attending local sports events created a sense of unity that transcended individual differences.

The text highlights Sasse's deep fondness for these experiences, particularly after he returned to Fremont with his family after spending two decades away for school and work. This return created a profound sense of belonging for him.

Highlight: Sasse's connection to Fremont is so strong that he owns a burial plot in the local cemetery, despite being only 46 years old and in good health.

The author refers to this as "the social capital of death", emphasizing how the prospect of being buried in one's hometown can create a sense of being rooted in a community.

Based on these experiences, Sasse's recommendations for combating loneliness in America can be summarized as follows:

Quote: "Go where you get that hometown-gym-on-a-Friday-night feeling, put down roots and make plans to fertilize the soil."

This advice emphasizes the importance of finding a place where one feels a strong sense of community and actively investing in that community.

Challenges of Finding Community in a Mobile Society

This section explores the difficulties of finding a sense of community and belonging in today's highly mobile society, using the author's personal reflections as a starting point.

The author, upon reading Sasse's book, questions where they might find their own "hometown gym feeling" or where they have natural roots. They realize that no specific place comes to mind, not even their actual hometown of Seattle, which they left 35 years ago without much sentiment.

Highlight: The author's experience highlights how many people in modern society lack a strong connection to a specific place or community.

The text then shifts to the author's current situation, as they prepare to move from Maryland to Massachusetts. They express fear about the loneliness they anticipate feeling in a completely new place where neither they nor their spouse has any roots or prior connections.

This personal anecdote raises a crucial question:

Quote: "Is a thick community and the happiness it brings out of reach for rootless cosmopolitans like us?"

This question encapsulates a common dilemma faced by many in today's mobile society: how to find a sense of belonging and community when one doesn't have deep roots in a single place.

Redefining Community in a Mobile World

This final section presents a shift in perspective on what it means to be part of a community, based on the author's conversation with Senator Sasse.

When the author posed their concerns about finding community as a "rootless cosmopolitan" to Sasse, they received an unexpected response. Sasse told them that they had misunderstood the core message:

Quote: "learning how to intentionally invest in the places where we actually live"

This response challenges the notion that community and belonging are solely about having deep historical roots in a place or returning to one's hometown. Instead, it emphasizes the active role individuals must play in creating and nurturing community wherever they are.

Highlight: Being a member of a community isn't about whether one has a "Fremont" (referring to Sasse's hometown) or how one feels about any particular place.

This perspective shift suggests that the "hometown gym on a Friday night feeling" is not something that can only be found in one's place of origin. Rather, it's a sense of belonging and connection that can be cultivated through intentional effort and investment in one's current location.

This advice is particularly relevant for people like the author, who move frequently or live in places where they don't have historical roots. It suggests that meaningful community connections can be built anywhere, given the right mindset and effort.

Example: For someone moving to a new city, this might involve actively seeking out local events, joining community organizations, or volunteering - all ways of intentionally investing in the new place.

The text concludes by implying that the key to combating loneliness and building community in our mobile, modern world lies not in where we are from or where we live, but in how we choose to engage with and invest in our current surroundings.

Page 6: Larry Ott's Character Development

Details Larry Ott's character and his experiences with isolation, including a pivotal scene involving an armed intruder.

Quote: "Larry... gets threatened by an intruder with a gun"

Page 7: Larry's Social Behavior

Analyzes Larry's non-confrontational nature and his isolation from community life.

Example: Larry's gentle treatment of his chickens demonstrates his non-violent nature despite his isolation.

Page 8: Larry's Connection to Place

Examines Larry's ties to his family property and his choice to remain despite opportunities to leave.

Highlight: Larry's emotional bonds to his childhood home persist despite social isolation.

The Epidemic of Loneliness in America

The text begins by highlighting a significant issue plaguing American society: widespread loneliness and social isolation. A survey by health care provider Cigna reveals alarming statistics about the state of social connections in the country.

Highlight: Nearly half of Americans report feeling alone or "left out" sometimes or always, while 13% say that no one knows them well.

This loneliness epidemic is not evenly distributed across age groups. The survey, which uses the U.C.L.A. Loneliness Scale, indicates that each successive generation experiences higher levels of loneliness than the previous one.

Definition: The U.C.L.A. Loneliness Scale is a common measure used to quantify and assess levels of loneliness and social isolation in individuals.

The text then introduces Senator Ben Sasse's book "Them: Why We Hate Each Other and How to Heal", which addresses this issue head-on. Sasse argues that loneliness is not just a social problem, but a potentially lethal one.

Quote: "loneliness is killing us"

This statement takes on a particularly dark significance in light of recent violent events, such as the mail-bomb campaign against critics of President Trump and the massacre at the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh. Both of these acts were committed by isolated and seemingly very lonely individuals.